I’d love to know, how connected do you feel to your friends? Your family? Your loved ones?

Do you feel like you’re always running around like a chicken with your head cut off? When you look back at last week’s schedule does it feel like a blur?

If things are always feeling rushed, how can you ever feel like you’re really connecting with your friends, co-workers and family? Jumping from one task to the next means you can cross those actions off your to-do list and feel productive but at what cost? For me, this doesn’t feel good but it happens.

If you feel like you’re always hurried and missing deep, meaningful connections to those around you, how would it feel if you were able to have sincere and authentic conversations with those that you spend the most time with? Imagine being able to fully listen to them without all the mind chatter or voices in your head.

Building relationships is just that – building.

You can tear them down, too. Perhaps when relationships fall apart, it’s even easier to see.

But building them can be just as easy to do if you shift your approach a tiny bit.

Now, I’m all in for going to get coffee with your old friend or co-worker to catch up on life or to get to know them but that takes time that you often don’t have. If you do, by all means, go get coffee with someone!

What I’m about to propose takes almost no time and very little effort. Seriously! It will help you to shore-up your relationship-building skills so you can more genuinely connect with, and enjoy those around you.

The approach?

Ask a question. The next time you’re sitting around on the sofa with a family member or when you run into someone in the breakroom, greet them and ask them a question. See, I promised this would be simple, right?

Here’s the catch.

It’s got to be a question that allows for more than a yes, no, or “I’m fine” kind of reply.

For example, “Hey Jen! How’s your dog doing? Is she still trying new ways to escape the backyard?”

You could ask how someone’s recovering after an injury, how their family member is doing or how the XYZ project is going. Once you get started, figuring out what to ask becomes easier.  

Remember, ask a question that isn’t designed to be ignored.

The person on the other side may or may not have time or energy to give a full response. If they do, great! You’re connecting and building your relationship with each other.

If they don’t give a meaningful answer, that’s okay, too because you’ve still done an action that strengthens the connection you have with that person. Don’t take it personally.

As you practice doing this, both of you will feel better about the other person. Why? Because you get to know them and they get to know you from taking this approach. You make each other “real” and see each other’s humanity.

Even if you wind-up butting heads during a meeting or about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, this relationship can better withstand that storm because it’s foundation is stronger. As a result, people are less likely to grenade a relationship because they know you better.

So go ask questions of the people in your life, no matter how close they are to you. Let me know if it this technique helps to build better relationships for you. I’m willing to bet you’ll feel a lot more connected without scheduling a coffee date with everyone you know.

With much love and gratitude,