Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?Do you ever feel like you’re not being heard? Like the person on the other side of your conversation isn’t listening?

How frustrating! When this happens it just feels like you’re wasting your time, right?

How then, do you ensure that when you’re speaking with clients, friends or family members that you’re helping them to feel heard in the same ways you want to be heard?

This is called active listening and it means that you focus on what the other person is saying, you’re thinking about the meaning of their words, and you respond in a positive, helpful manner that confirms you actually heard what the person was saying.

Conversations like these can feel magical. They can validate what someone is saying in a way that goes to the core of that person’s being. And, it can avoid a ton of miscommunication.

If you want to be a better listener, and hence a better communicator, check out these suggestions. They’re some of my best tips to help you fully connect with your customers, friends and family in meaningful ways.

Remove Distractions

Set the cell phone upside down, away from you and on silent mode so you’re not tempted to sneak a peek as to what’s going on in the digital world.

Let THEM Talk

This means you don’t interrupt. If you get a brilliant idea that you’re dying to share, wait for the right pause in conversation to share it. Or, make a note and share it later when your speaker is done talking.

Repeat

When in a conversation with someone, repeat back what they’ve said to confirm you understand. For example, “I heard you say that you felt overwhelmed by all of the things you need to do in the next month. Is that right?”

Ask Questions

This helps you to learn more and have a deeper understanding of what your companion is talking about. Ask relevant and specific questions. Give them some thought.

Take Notes

If you’re meeting in person, let them know that you take notes as a way to better absorb the conversation. If you’re engaged in taking notes, that means you’re listening to what they have to say. This works especially great for client conversations and if you’re a fast writer or typist.

Active listening takes practice.

So, if you’re a talker and find yourself interrupting others, make it a point to practice polite interjections in conversation instead of talking over others. If you tend to space-out and day dream during conversations, see if taking notes and asking questions can help you keep your focus.

I invite you to use these five tips to see if you can become a better communicator by becoming a better listener. Which tips do you want to try?

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Awareness Without Action is Worthless

Awareness without action is worthless. - Phil McGrawAre there certain actions or thoughts that have a negative impact on you and trigger you to feel a certain way? Possibly angry, envious, jealous, sad?

Maybe your partner isn’t contributing as much as you think they should. Or perhaps your kids choose to ignore their chores and it becomes one more thing you have to do. Can you relate?

If you can say yes in that you are aware of what makes you feel a certain way, I want you to reach around and pat yourself on the back. Having that awareness is a gift to yourself. Now, the key is taking action on it. We don’t want for each time we feel triggered to just let it be.

Let’s say you can relate to feeling that your partner isn’t doing their fair share. Rather than stewing on it and feeling angry, what can you do to take action on your awareness? You could explain to them how you’re feeling and ask for help. If that seems hard to do, imagine how it would feel to have them helping more, feeling happy, and doing more things together.

Take that energy with you to the conversation. Like Phil McGraw says “Awareness without action is worthless.” You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Take action and let me know in the comments what area you see is a trigger for your feelings that you’d like to change. 

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Imagining that Future Keeps You Going, But will You Make It Happen?

Imagining that Future Keeps You Going, But will You Make It Happen? “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” -John Green, Looking for Alaska

I love this quote because it rings so true for me. I find myself putting things off that I’d *really* like to do because I think it will be better when I have have more time, more money, when the kids are older, etc.

But, I’ve learned life’s not about the future. It’s about being in the present moment and taking action for our happiness now. Each day. We all know that we’re never promised tomorrow.  I invite you to always live for today.

For example, I always knew from a young age I wanted to have a horse but I repeatedly kept tucking that thought in my back pocket. Always wondering is the time right? Am I going to have enough time? I’ll have to plant a pasture and buy hay and build stalls. Say what? Do I have enough experience to care for a horse and the list went on and on. After all, they are a lot of work. 🙂   

Then, I realized that if I didn’t start to take action, that goal would easily slip by as time does. So, I created a plan of how to make it happen. In 2011 it all started with turning a cornfield into a pasture. Now it’s seven years later and I have two horses, a three-acre pasture, a seven-acre hay field, a barn just for my horses, an office in the barn and time to enjoy their awesomeness. It all started with saying yes to what I wanted rather than continuing to put it off.  

I’m so glad I didn’t let it pass me by.

What’s one thing you’ve been putting off doing because you’re waiting for something to happen before you take that action? Let me know in the comments.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

 

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Do You Feel Connected to the World?

Do You Feel Connected to the World?“We all think we are connected to the world now, but we are not talking to our neighbours any more.” -Jean-Michel Jarre

How true is the quote above? Do you feel connected to the world? If so, do you feel that the online world helps you to feel that way? I do and I’m really grateful for it.

And, you know what else I realized? We’ve now lived on our farm for nearly 10 years and I’ve only personally met one of my neighbors. Say what?!

When I really sit back and think about this, it makes me think why? At the other homes we’ve lived at, I knew all the neighbors. It’s nice having that neighbor you can borrow an egg or cup of sugar from without having to drive 15 minutes to the local market. Or have someone you can trust to come over and check on things while you’re away.

Does this ring true for you too?

If it does, I’m challenging you to go introduce yourself to at least one neighbor a week. I have two to go meet and I’m going to do this too. Why not? There’s nothing better than being connected to those who live right next door to you.

You in? Let’s do this!

Are you ready to make big things happen with small steps like this? If so, let’s talk! Grab a time on the calendar here for a free, no-pressure chat with me to talk about how I can help you create a plan to take the kind of action you need so you can be the person you’ve always pictured yourself being. I believe you can arrange your world so you can feel amazing about how you’re living YOUR life!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Remember that Instant Friendship With Someone?

Remember that Instant Friendship With Someone? Do you ever feel an instant connection with someone?

When you literally meet them for the first time and feel like you’ve known them a lifetime? I’ve only felt that feeling a few times in my adult life and it’s quite magical. I’m actually still friends with the few that made me feel that way. I consider myself lucky.

You begin to converse with one another and are eager to continue the conversation. You remain focused and fully present. You’re both listening and value what one another has to say. Trust comes naturally and a friendship or bond is created.

These energetic connections are few and far between.

It’s not often you find someone who truly listens and makes you feel seen and heard. If you have people like this in your life, consider them a gift. You are lucky too!

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ? Brené Brown

This quote of Brené Brown’s really resonates with the idea of connecting with others through genuine listening. The kind that makes people feel deeply seen and heard without judgement.

Where have you felt this kind of two-way, connected relationship? If you remember that feeling of authentic friendship that naturally unfolded, it felt great, right? So my question for you…

How can you foster that kind of connection as you move through your week?

If you don’t know where to start to create this kind of supportive connection with others, know that I understand how you feel. When we leave school, or a job, or move, it can create a break with these kinds of relationships that can be hard to keep going from a distance and hard to replicate that deep kind of friendship. If this feels like something you want to change so you feel more grounded and connected with those around you, and make it easier to find your kindred spirits, I can help. Click here to grab a quick, no pressure chat with me to talk about helping you make it happen.

I want you to have all the joys in life and this is a huge part of it. I know you can build your life to look the way you want! I’m rooting for you!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Are You Nudging Your Success Forward?

Are You Nudging Your Success Forward? How much exercise are you getting?

How much journaling and mindwork are you doing to make your life better?

Are you finding yourself hitting the drive-thru at the fast food place instead of making a healthy lunch?

Why is it that doing these kinds of activities feel like a chore?—Even when you know how much better you’d feel after doing them.

Maybe it’s that you don’t feel like you have enough time for them? Maybe you’re overwhelmed and overworked and can’t see how in the world these good habits can be worked into your schedule?

I totally hear you!!

But…

What if you considered these very important tasks as mandatory?  What if exercise and food prep were as important to your success as writing that perfect email or meeting your client deadline?

How would your week be different if it was structured to focus on a kind of success that counts on you incorporating these things that are missing into your routine?

What if you considered these elements as part of your JOB even though people don’t typically think they should be?

Why should you approach being successful this way?

Because if you don’t value these elements, you won’t do them.

However, if you treat them like a part of your job, you can get them done and move further ahead than you thought.

If you step back and really look at your schedule and your goals, you might just surprise yourself by the wiggle room you can find to incorporate the things you care about and that you truly need worked into your regular routine.

When you shift your perspective, that client call, responding to emails, or reviewing text, it starts to be as equally important as journaling for your mindset, getting in a good workout, and eating healthy.

How?

Ask yourself, what’s one thing that you need to add to your schedule. Maybe it’s an exercise class? Can you do a morning workout at the start of your day or maybe at lunch? Can you set up a treadmill desk? Can you find one single exercise to do every day, even if it’s small like touching your toes?

Maybe you have a cranky boss who you fear might not be into the idea of you coming in a little late or leaving for lunch a little early. Can you convince the boss or your co-worker to exercise at the same time as you? Odds are they need these success elements worked into their routine, too. 😉

I encourage you to get creative and think about ways you can make this idea work.

It is very likely that your mind will try to trick you by telling you that you can’t or don’t need to exercise, eat healthy or whatever your “additional” thing is. This is very common since what you’re wanting to do is not a part of your normal routine. It’s easy to stay comfortable with what we’ve been doing, even though we want more.

If you want more, you have to make changes to get it. The reason your mind starts sending those “no” thoughts your way is only your primal, lizard brain trying to keep you safe. I encourage you to really listen to your body and heart rather than what your head is likely going to tell you.

Your ultimate goal is to focus on what you can do to make exercise or writing or meditating or eating healthy a regular habit.

It can feel nuts to think of it this way but when you start to upgrade your everyday by treating your nice-to-have elements as equals with your have-to-have elements, it automatically makes it easier to work more efficiently, with more clarity and more successfully.

You reach the results you want MUCH faster when you look at your job and life with a holistic approach like this. You’ll find that when you take care of the elements that feel like “nice-to-haves” everything else is better.

If you look at some of the most successful people out there, you’ll find that they attribute much of their success to this approach of treating what they once considered nice-to-haves as must-haves. Wildly successful people like Marie Forleo and Tim Ferriss and have found the wiggle room and see the difference this holistic approach has on their success. You can, too!

I committed to doing more exercise and eating better by hiring a health coach who I adore. This requires me to make time for 30 minutes of exercise each day and to prep my meals each day. We’re talking serious grocery lists and meal proportions.

Even though I’m sore from my new routine, I’m 100% committed. I can see how it’s going to make me and even my family more successful. My energy levels are rising and I know I’ll be able to translate what I learn from working out and planning my meals to my business so I can be more successful.

I challenge you to give it a try. What’s one area where you think you can find a way to wedge in that good-for-you thing? Let me know in the comments.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Fearing the Future? How to Get Through It

Fearing the Future? How to Get Through ItI’d love to know if you worry a lot about the future?

Maybe it’s about how to make that project work, if you can get a different job soon, if you’ll be able to get enough clients to pay the bills, and if you’ll make mistakes that will totally derail you from your big goals? If you said yes, I can totally relate!

Worrying about the future is a waste of time, though. That might sound like an I’ve-gone-too-far statement, but it’s true.

This kind of fretting and worrying is dangerous because it can become a loop that you get stuck in.

Thinking about ALL of those things that may or may not come to pass; and ALL of those things that you know you’ll need to do, can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It can be beyond overwhelming. Maybe you’ve even seen this happen?

When you fret over what’s going to happen in the future, you’re not taking action to actually change the outcome of your future. And, it’s absolutely taking away from the present moment. So, what can you do when you’re worried about the future and start to feel that pile-up of thoughts hit you?

FOCUS

Write down only the three most important things that are for you to do (not think about) in the next week and the next month. These two lists might be different and they might overlap.

For example…

This week, the three most important things for me to focus on are: 1) Truly focus on being present + creating memories with my daughter while we’re in Florida, 2) Layout the action plan for a new program offering and 3) Finish my client work.

This month, the three most important things for me to focus on are: 1) Creating a new opt-in, 2) Connecting with past clients and 3) Updating the coaching package copy on my website.

STOP

Take a break from what you’re doing and go do something else. This will disrupt your thought pattern and pull you off the overwhelm path.

SLOWER

Tell yourself that instead of speeding up and racing toward the finish line, that you’re going to slow it all down. This allows you to focus on just one thing at a time and feel less chaotic.

STORIES

These worries are actually stories that you’re making up in your mind. Many of the things you worry about never come to pass. Holding this in your mind (or on a post-it note hanging by your desk) may help to stop the future-tripping that’s happening in your head.

FOLLOW THE FEAR

One way to get rid of the stories is to map them out. Follow the story all the way through.

Ask yourself if x happens, what happens next? Then next? Then after that? How does the story end? Is the ending worse or better than the level of fear you gave to it? ….usually, it’s a lot less.

The next time you feel like your worries about the future start to pop-up, which one of the suggestions above will you try to help pull you out of the spin? Let me know in the comments.

With much love and warm wishes,

Gretchen

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Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s Important

Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s ImportantThis month I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do on all fronts of my life including work, family and personal areas.

I’ve learned I have boundaries that I previously didn’t care so much about. But now, years later, I can see that what were once super flexible borderlines have become hard and fast perimeters that I’m not only sticking to but improving my life with.

I’ve found that when I look toward those big things that I’m working on, I have to be fierce about keeping my boundaries where I want them.

By knowing where I draw the line and by upholding these borders, I save myself time, stress and can focus on where I need to go versus being dragged along on other people’s field trips.

Without keeping those areas sacred, things start to slide sideways and I start to feel resentment for those around me who (usually unknowingly and not admittingly) have overstepped things and are treading too heavily on my time and energy.

Then I feel like crap because I have no one to blame but myself  for letting them walk all over me. Can you relate?

Like how I use to agree to work on weekends for my clients. Respond to client texts after hours. Or how I allowed friends/family members to cancel our planned trips last minute without saying that it upset me and why it wasn’t okay behavior.

This used to be fine but not ideal before I had kids, horses and a growing coaching business. But now my life is more full than ever. To survive and thrive, I’ve got to keep it real by having solid boundaries.

And, I really want to enjoy this life’s journey as much as possible without all the things that can bring me down.

When I tow the line I feel better about myself. I feel like I have energy. And best of all, I can tell that others respect me, my feelings and my time.

Friends, family members, clients and even strangers clearly see what my boundaries are no matter how big or small they are. It’s like they’ve read my manifesto on what I will and won’t do.

Have you seen an element of my story play out in a similar way for you ? Think about it for a moment.

What’s something that you used to be okay with doing that you’re not okay with now?

It could be a work responsibility like making the coffee that you don’t even drink but somehow you’re still making for the entire office? Or a family duty like being in charge of all the food shopping or cooking. What’s one area where you feel resentment?

Okay, look at that area or action. Is it something you are still okay with doing or being treated? If not, how can you confidently communicate that it’s no longer a fit for you?

Can you have a conversation with the boundary breaker about why you no longer can do that thing and propose another way to get it done? Perhaps you can you make a go-to phrase that can help?

I encourage you to take action to create boundaries that serve you in reaching your big goals in life. They’ll help you let go of the negative energy and effort in your life so you can let more happiness in.

Let me know in the comments what boundary you’re working on right now and how it’s going. I’d love to hear about it.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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How to Show Up Like the Real YOU

How to Show Up Like the Real YOUI’ve been thinking a lot about how I show up for work and my everyday life.

What I wear (who do I have meetings with?), what I feel like (am I rushed or frenzied?) and am I enjoying the process (hey, work can be fun).

I’ve found that if I really think about how I want to show up and act, and set an intention for the day, it shifts my outlook to a much more positive one. I used to come at this from a different angle, though.

When in corporate America, I would think about how my co-worker would see me if I came to work wearing an outfit that wasn’t what the company was used to seeing. Or how my boss would respond if I didn’t’ say something pleasant when asked, “how’s it going”.

I thought I had to wear the work “uniform”.

And I thought that I had to keep a perky, happy, I’ve-got-it-all-together attitude all the time. Both of these things were exhausting constraints to live within.

When I shifted my thinking to make choices about how I wanted to respond to the world versus how I thought the world expected me to respond, things really changed.

I started asking myself questions like:

  • What do I want to wear today that will be comfortable, enjoyable to wear and show my professionalism?
  • How can I communicate in a way that’s authentic, respectful, genuine and doesn’t leave me feeling like I wished I’d said more but didn’t because I didn’t want to rock the boat?

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Being here and showing up every day in a way that feels authentic and right for you is the only way to not feel stuck over the long haul.

I can see how each choice I make translates into deciding how I show up in a supportive way or a way that leaves me feeling like I could have done better. Do you ever notice that about yourself?

Deciding how to show up is done in tiny steps throughout the day.

It culminates in a day well spent doing all of the things you have to do in the best way possible. So you feel good at the end of a day. Those days add up to weeks and months that are more satisfying and give you confidence to do what you need to do.

How are you showing up each day?

  • Did you decide what to wear today based on your needs?
  • Did you decide how to communicate something in a way that was genuine to you?

How about in other areas of your life?

Do you want to eat prepared food or would it be better to make a few meals on the weekend so you can avoid feeling like there’s no time?

Do you want to exercise because it’ll build your confidence in how you look and interact with people? Then go for that walk this morning or head to the gym after work!

Do you want to have a group of friends that you can easily hangout with? How about scheduling a coffee date with an acquaintance to start building your friendship?

Where else can you see opportunities so show up in a way that supports who you want to be?

What’s one decision you made today that you made based on your needs? Please share with me in the comments. I’d love to hear how this works for you!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Facing Anxiety and Fear: Surviving the Boat Trip

Facing Anxiety and Fear: Surviving the Boat TripMy husband and son are forever wanting new toys. Well, let me get this straight. It’s my husband who always wants and my son who then follows along. 😉 Typical father/son right? At least it is in our family. A boat was the latest desire and I truly wanted nothing to do with it. They are expensive and I hear a lot to maintain. I wanted an inground pool for heaven’s sake!

My husband is great at reminding me of the fun I like to have and what brings me joy. Tubing is a blast (hello every sore muscle in my body!) and I’ve always wanted to try skiing. Plus I love to go fast in the fresh open air.

I tend to let money get in the way (that’s a whole other story in itself too!) and then the fun goes to the wayside. However, with lots of time and searching invested (heck! Cree (my son) can navigate Craigslist and Google searches better than I can) they found our new boat, a great deal at that! I must admit, it’s pretty, it’s fast, but my God does it trigger my anxiety!

Labor Day weekend we invited the in-laws and took our boat out for the first time. I’ll admit, I started to feel the anxiety set in as soon as we headed out the driveway.

Thoughts started running through my mind….

Does Shane (hubs) have all that we need on the boat should we get stopped by the boat cop? You know like the fire extinguisher, distress flag, whistle, title/registration, line & anchor, enough life jackets for all, etc? What if we should get a flat on the way to the lake? Do we have a spare for the trailer? Are the straps pulled tight so the boat is sure not to move?

See, this is how my brain works when doing something we’ve not done before. I REALLY like to know that we’ve planned for every worse case scenario possible AND that we know what to do should a situation arise. Even though in retrospect I know that’s not really possible.

After many deep breaths and asking my bajillion questions to Shane along the way, I’m able to calm myself some. Not completely, but enough to not feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.

One thing I’ve realized in the midst of my freaking out is that I need to share how I’m feeling with someone. This then allows me to tell myself that if something should happen to me, someone knows how I was feeling. Funny how it works to make me safe, but it does. They know that I wasn’t feeling right and so if something should happen they know why.

I also then keep repeating to myself to just be. Be present in the moment and quit worrying about all of the “what ifs”. It’s proven when I enter the “what if” mode,  it sends me into a downward frenzy. Sigh…..

Back to the boat.

Because this boat is bigger and faster than we’ve ever had before, thoughts started creeping back in once we got on the water.

Does Shane really know what he’s doing? He’s never driven a boat like this before. Why does it feel like the nose of the boat is up so high? Is the nose of the boat supposed to be this close to the water?

Are we going to start taking on water? As Cree then looks over the side to make sure this contraption is doing its thing of spitting water out (totally normal, but when you’re having the thought “are we taking on water” and then he yells out “a lot is coming out”) it made my chest tighten.

I try to relax, sit down, and act like everything’s “okay”. We proceed out to the open water and I continue to feel the feels. I’m nervous, almost nauseous. I’m smiling on the outside and scared shitless on the inside.

I try to feel my feet on the ground, take deep breaths and be present. It’s not happening. I’m not feeling any better. A full blown panic attack is on its way. So I had to do the one thing that I know works best for me.

I turned to my father-in-law who was sitting next to me and proceeded to tell him how I was feeling. He listened. It helped. He shared with me how my mother-in-law feels anxious at times and he just doesn’t get it. He never feels that way so it’s hard to relate.

I told him how lucky he was. I expressed to him that just by knowing he was listening and not judging me, made me feel heard and safe. We conversed for a while and it worked. I thanked him.

It’s interesting, how I could have easily talked and supported (and would have loved to!) someone else who was feeling the same way as I was. We would have evaluated the worst case scenarios happening and worked through them. I would have known what to say and the questions to ask to bring them back to present and center.

One question I would have asked is “what does a worse case scenario look like with one of your fears?” The boat might come off the trailer? The boat cop might give you a ticket? The boat might sink? Any and all of those things could possibly happen. And in the end, it might cost you some money, but you will very likely be okay!

There are officers/paramedics to help with an accident or flat tire, there are stores where you can buy the required items to be put on the boat and if you don’t know how to swim hopefully you’re wearing a life jacket while on the water. These thoughts bring a sense of security and safety.

The reality is, I wasn’t able to listen and trust myself enough to believe what I already know to be true. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I was making myself go crazy, therefore, causing me to feel incredibly anxious.

By the end of our boating excursion (first of many to come!) I had tubed with Cree, laughed, authentically enjoyed myself, and remembered that Shane would never put us in an intentional situation where we were unsafe.

Writing this out is a great reminder of two of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned over the past year.

1) Ask for help, when the need is there.

2) Trust my discernment.

These lessons have helped me learn and grow both physically and mentally in SO many ways. The best part of it, horses were the ones that reflected this back to me. I’ll explain in greater detail in a later post of the exact instance when the horse taught both of these lessons to me at once. It’s a story in itself and one that I’ll never forget. Definitely magical!

Horses have also helped my friends, family and clients to realize similar life-changing lessons and amazing aha moments. In what could have taken weeks of therapy or counseling, 90 minutes in the round pen helped them get there so much faster.

So yes, I love horses and after seeing how they’ve impacted people’s lives in so many incredible ways, I definitely trust what they bring to helping people to get unstuck and realize their full potential.

Have you’ve experienced something similar?

I’m curious. How did you pulled through it? Let me know in the comments.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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