Talking to yourself is often seen as silly or frivolous, or even something a doddering old lady might do. But in reality, we all have conversations running through our minds all day long.
This internal conversation might include you celebrating a win or it may riff off of the opposite kind of conversation where things went wrong. Generally, I focus on the mistakes I make in my conversations.
Have you ever noticed this for yourself? Sometimes you can see it as being hard on yourself. It doesn’t feel good, right?
One way to turn it around so you feel better about a situation, even if it’s one that you’ve been stewing on for a while, is to change the words you use to describe it.
Communicate With Yourself!
Yes, this is a little like being a public relations rep for yourself and that’s okay. Actually, it’s perfect if you feel like you tend to beat yourself up when things go sideways.
The first step is to catch yourself having a negative thought. You probably have words or phrases that you can use as triggers to catch yourself. For example, if you always hear yourself say, “This sucks!” Or, “I totally messed that up!” you’ll know.
What are words or phrases you use in this situation?
Frame It!
The words you use to talk to yourself are so important. They frame how you perceive yourself for the day, the week or the year.
It translates into how you feel about yourself. Confident, fulfilled, scared, worried, shy, overwhelmed and more.
If you use negative words to describe what’s going on for you, then you walk away with a bad self-image of the situation. If you use positive words and have an open state of mind, that generates good energy, you can walk away from a situation feeling like it’s all under control.
For example, “I shouldn’t have said that to them!” can be turned into a more positive phrase by including a solution to it: “Next time I’ll clearly lay out the steps for my client so I get paid up front and we’ll both feel good at the end of our sessions knowing that everything is buttoned up.”
Another example is, “I need to call my client.” This can easily become, “I want to call my client so she knows she has my support.”
See the shift there?
The first example applies pressure to yourself while the second version makes it clear that calling your client is a choice that you get to make and why you’re making it. It removes a layer of pressure and obligation that can be there with the items on your to-do list. And, it makes it feel more like something you’re looking forward to doing.
Just like when you write those client emails, you want to be clear, upbeat, confident and professional. You want to do the same with your self-communications, too.
Let me know in the comments if you’ve caught yourself saying negative phrases and how you turned them around into more positive ones. I’d love to hear your examples!
With much love and gratitude,
