The Most Powerful Relationship Is…

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” ~ Steve Maraboli“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” ~ Steve Maraboli

Have you ever really thought about the words above? No really, have you?! Such a beautiful reminder and I invite you to sit with it and take it in.

It’s 100% true that the relationship you have with yourself will always be the most powerful. You have total control over it and can change or modify it however + whenever you wish. How amazing is that?

Your relationships with others is also a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

Can you feel that to be true?

I can and I can also see how at times I go above and beyond for others and as a result, lack the self care for myself. And we all know what that does for ourselves. Nothing. It serves us in no positive way what-so-ever!

So if you find you’re feeling depleted, overwhelmed, or just tired; check in with yourself. Take note of the relationship you’re currently having with yourself.

Is it what you want? Does if feel the way you want it to?

If not, change it! You have the power and the ability to do that for yourself.

It’s so important that we take the greatest possible care of ourselves so that we can always be the best versions of ourselves. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please don’t forget that.

Warmly,

Gretchen

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Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s Important

Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s ImportantThis month I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do on all fronts of my life including work, family and personal areas.

I’ve learned I have boundaries that I previously didn’t care so much about. But now, years later, I can see that what were once super flexible borderlines have become hard and fast perimeters that I’m not only sticking to but improving my life with.

I’ve found that when I look toward those big things that I’m working on, I have to be fierce about keeping my boundaries where I want them.

By knowing where I draw the line and by upholding these borders, I save myself time, stress and can focus on where I need to go versus being dragged along on other people’s field trips.

Without keeping those areas sacred, things start to slide sideways and I start to feel resentment for those around me who (usually unknowingly and not admittingly) have overstepped things and are treading too heavily on my time and energy.

Then I feel like crap because I have no one to blame but myself  for letting them walk all over me. Can you relate?

Like how I use to agree to work on weekends for my clients. Respond to client texts after hours. Or how I allowed friends/family members to cancel our planned trips last minute without saying that it upset me and why it wasn’t okay behavior.

This used to be fine but not ideal before I had kids, horses and a growing coaching business. But now my life is more full than ever. To survive and thrive, I’ve got to keep it real by having solid boundaries.

And, I really want to enjoy this life’s journey as much as possible without all the things that can bring me down.

When I tow the line I feel better about myself. I feel like I have energy. And best of all, I can tell that others respect me, my feelings and my time.

Friends, family members, clients and even strangers clearly see what my boundaries are no matter how big or small they are. It’s like they’ve read my manifesto on what I will and won’t do.

Have you seen an element of my story play out in a similar way for you ? Think about it for a moment.

What’s something that you used to be okay with doing that you’re not okay with now?

It could be a work responsibility like making the coffee that you don’t even drink but somehow you’re still making for the entire office? Or a family duty like being in charge of all the food shopping or cooking. What’s one area where you feel resentment?

Okay, look at that area or action. Is it something you are still okay with doing or being treated? If not, how can you confidently communicate that it’s no longer a fit for you?

Can you have a conversation with the boundary breaker about why you no longer can do that thing and propose another way to get it done? Perhaps you can you make a go-to phrase that can help?

I encourage you to take action to create boundaries that serve you in reaching your big goals in life. They’ll help you let go of the negative energy and effort in your life so you can let more happiness in.

Let me know in the comments what boundary you’re working on right now and how it’s going. I’d love to hear about it.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Boundary Bombers: How to Keep them at Bay

Boundary Bombers: How to Keep them at BayRemember that time you got a phone call from your client or maybe it was a friend who needed something ASAP?

You didn’t want to do the task they were asking about but you felt like you had to say you’d do that ‘urgent’ but not scheduled thing out of a sense of duty, obligation and your general want to help others succeed.

And as a result of saying yes, you felt like shit right away.  

Why did you agree to help and why did it make you feel so awful?

How can you avoid that next time without throwing a grenade into the relationship?

I recently had something like this happen and it felt like a sucker punch since it came out of the blue even though I tried to do all I could to prepare for and avoid the situation.

After thinking about it, I realized this situation helped me to really recognize that I was letting one of my boundaries be overstepped since I myself wasn’t honoring it. It totally clicked.

I never liked working in disorganized and unplanned ways and now I could see that this feeling was more than a line in the sand. It was boundary that had grown to be as sturdy as the fence that keeps my horses in the pen.

It had become something that I was no longer willing to dismiss.

I can now look back and see that this boundary didn’t used to be so firm.

I was willing to let clients, family and friends procrastinate and drag their feet on things and then I’d make myself available to pick up the pieces even if it meant I let go of doing something that was important to me and outside of the times I’d normally do it.

The amazing thing is that now I see how I’m seriously OVER letting people cross this line. It’s no fun and it no longer feels helpful to get clients, family and friends out of a tough spot in the last second before things really go south.

It’s a strong boundary for me and I’m now committed to honoring it.

So I bring this question to you.

When do you let your boundaries be crossed?

The next time you feel like you’re doing something that you don’t want to do, ask yourself if you’ve let someone overstep your boundaries. What specific line was crossed? Usually it was the thing that bothers you most about the event.

Who is it with? -A family member, friend or client?

What area is it in? -Money, work, relationship, home stuff, etc…?

What state of being are you in? -Are you tired, overworked, overwhelmed, feeling healthy, feeling hungry? What else is going on that’s stressful aside from the boundary that was just crossed?

How can you make it better when it happens?

You can develop a go-to phrase that feels comfortable, one that buys you a little time to process the line crossing and check-in with yourself.

Here’s are go-to phrase examples:

  • “I need to check my calendar to make sure I’m available.”
  • “I don’t plan anything less than a day out because it’s gotten me in trouble before.”

Whatever go-to phrase you create, say it aloud a few times. It’ll make it easier to say when you’re taken by surprise the next time someone crosses your line.

Let me know in the comments what your go-to phrase is. I’d love to hear it.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Need More? 3 Ways to Get It

Need More? 3 Ways to Get ItHave you found yourself thinking about how you need more, even if you’re not sure what more means?

You know, that little nagging feeling that you don’t have enough? It’s easy to think about it being that you need more money but truly money is only one part of that unsettling feeling of lack.

When you dig into those feelings, a lot of the ‘need for more’ is really a need to be fulfilled and that life has more meaning.

Here are three ways to help you feel rich beyond how much is in your bank account:

Get Excited for Other People’s Abundance!

When you see something good happen to someone else, notice if you feel a little envious of them. If you notice that green-eyed-jealousy monster peeking in, say hello to it then tell it you’re moving on to feeling really happy for that person to be doing well.

Think about why it’s wonderful that this good thing just happened for the other person. It might be that they got a great promotion which means they can spend more time with their family and have a shorter commute.

Or that they just got a new car which means they now can do their long commute in a reliable vehicle with heating and air conditioning that works vs. showing up to work sweaty from summer heat every day.

When you start to flip your reactions about others having great things coming into their lives, it means that you can also start to see and fully appreciate when those same good things happen in your life.

Fill Someone’s Abundance Bucket!

Take it a step further and help fill someone else’s abundance bucket. What does this mean?

It means that you say or do a positive thing for another person. This might be something as simple as smiling or saying hello to a stranger, inviting someone to go somewhere with you, sending a few cheerful words to someone or being a good listener to someone who needs to be heard.

Maybe you can generously and genuinely congratulate someone else on their success.

Bigger ways to fill an abundance bucket are to volunteer for a project or organization, organize a charitable event, or help an older neighbor with chores they may struggle to complete. .

What do you have that you can give to someone else? What encouragement, complement or support can you pass along?

When you find opportunities to do small, kind actions you not only help someone else, you also help fill your own bucket. You get two great results from each act of kindness. I promise you that.

Fill Your Own Bucket!

Create more positive experienced-based things in your life. These are things that don’t require a lot of money and are activities that make you feel good.

An example of this is to visit an old friend for coffee or lunch. If they live too far away, text them a hello and spend a few minutes asking them how they’re doing and what they’ve been up to lately.

If you love to ride horses,  go take one from a nearby stable. If you love reading but haven’t done it in a while, make the time to do it.

Or hey, what about creating your own craft night, book club or scheduling a weekly walk around the park with your friends?

As we move through life it can be easy to lose track of doing the things we really enjoy and that fill our abundance bucket. So we need to make sure we schedule those activities into our lives because we know how happy they make us.

Got an idea in mind? Go add it to your calendar right now even if you don’t have the details worked out yet. You’re more likely to make it happen by scheduling it in. 😉

More

No matter how much money you make, when using any of these three approaches, you’ll invite more abundance and richness into your life. You’ll give more meaning to every day and as a result you’ll feel happier.

You’ll understand what ‘more’ really is.

Take Action

Which one of the approaches from above can you try today? Did it make you feel like you have a little more than you did before trying out one of the above techniques? I’d love to hear how it made you feel.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Want to Feel Rich? Track Your Abundance

Want to Feel Rich? Track Your AbundanceDo you ever feel like you’re constantly being nickeled and dimed? Another bill or an unexpected expense can really leave you feeling like you’re dwindling down to your last penny. Not much fun to sit in that state, right?

Maybe money IS kind of hard to come by right now. You could be between jobs or considering leaving a job. Maybe you’ve had medical expenses that have left you feeling like your finances are a little tight.

Isn’t it strange that when finances feel strained, everything else starts to feel stressful, too?

That’s why when my friend told me about a process that helps you to see how much you’ve earned, saved and the value that’s existing in your world, I thought it was a great way to really take stock in how much you REALLY have in your life.

It helps you to see and feel the abundance that surrounds you but that you might be missing.

It lets you track how much you have in a totally new way that you’ve probably never considered.

This process for tracking your abundance really supports the quote I shared last week: “Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” by Wayne Dyer.

This handy tracking process makes it possible to tune into your abundance which allows you to feel confident in your decision making, un-stressed when things don’t go as you planned and more like life is going the way you want.

It was created by Denise Duffield-Thomas. I’m not an affiliate of hers but I love her idea for this so much that I had to share it with you. Especially if it helps you to feel a little more abundant in life.

The Idea Behind It

You track the pennies you found on the ground, the dinner someone prepared for you, the coupon you used at the store, the change you found in the sofa cushions, the $10 your friend handed you to help cover gas costs, the kind person driving in front of you who paid your bridge toll and all kinds of other kismet kindness that comes your way.

A cool part of this is that not only are you counting money, you’re also counting anything that has value to it like maybe you bought something that turned out to be an unexpected two for one deal.

How To Track Your Abundance

Grab your phone or a notepad and every day for a week write down all the money and value that comes your way. Yes, this includes your paycheck, birthday gifts, and change found in your coat pocket that you haven’t worn in a while.

If you want, Denise Duffield-Thomas has a PDF, a Google doc and an iPhone app that you can download to make it easier.

Check out her process for tracking abundance and let me know what you think about the idea in the comments. And, if you want to download one of her tracking devices, there’s a link to them at the end of that article.

Here’s to your tracking all the things that you see and can count as abundance coming your way!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Need a Change of Attitude?

Need a Change of Attitude?Have you ever hung out with a family member or friend who always seems like a total downer because after the thousandth interaction with them you notice that they only complain or have a negative approach with everything they say.

They embody the phrase, “If you give them a rose, they’ll complain about the thorns”.

This attitude can spread to you and before you know it, you’re in the same negative mindset and talking in the same dreary, negative way. Uggh!

Or, maybe you’re the person complaining about the thorn in that lovely bouquet of roses! What?? We’ve all been there and it’s not easy to catch yourself when that happens, right?

It’s so frustrating when you realize this is going on and, there’s also a way to right the ship when it happens. Quite frankly, a way to avoid it all together.

What if you could help get your negative-nelly friend or co-worker out of that awful attitude, too? It’s totally possible.

Like an editor makes a book sound better, you can also wield your own “red pen” to re-shape the words you use to describe your situation. This means you can reset your attitude and usually avoid getting there from the start.

The Key?

Edit your words.

Words work as symbols and influence your way of thinking. This means you can create your own reality. Good or bad. Why not go after shaping a positive reality for yourself?

My children are one way that has helped to change the way my words shape my day and it’s this same editing process that can help you, too.

You reposition your phrases to be positive and about what you want. For example, “Aiden, the fork is for putting the spaghetti into your mouth.” vs. “Aiden, don’t dig the fork into the table.”

See how the first sentence sounds more positive than the second one? You can do this with your own words to amazing effect. It can change your attitude for the better no matter the situation at hand.

Once you get into the practice of it, it becomes a habit. Your good outlook on the world will show and spread to those around you. You’ll be and come across to others as a calm, cool and collected person in control of their world. Folks will want to be around you more.

At the end of a day, you’ll feel better about all of the good you’ve accomplished instead of focusing too much on the negative stuff that happened. You’ll be able to shake off the yucky parts of your day more easily.  

Okay, now try it for yourself. The next time you find yourself saying “I can’t do XYZ”, try to rephrase it so it’s positioned in a more positive light. For example, you might find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because I don’t have enough time/money/space.”

You could rephrase it to say something along the lines of, “I can do that if I want to re-arrange my schedule to make time for it next week.” Or, I can buy the organic produce if I’m better at planning my meals so I don’t eat out as much. Or, “I can work on that project in my backyard when it’s sunny so I don’t need a bigger space inside to do it.”

Once you’ve tried re-phrasing your words to be more positive, let me know in the comments if you felt a difference in your outlook when you changed your words to support a more positive attitude. I think you might be surprised when you try this.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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5 Ways to Create a Positive Attitude

5 Ways To Creat a Positive AttitudeWithout a positive attitude, it’s nearly impossible to grow and be able to do all of the things that you enjoy most.

When you’re feeling stuck in a less-than-helpful attitude, it can be hard to figure out what you’re really good at doing and stop you from really going after it.

Seeing how a positive attitude works in my life and with my clients, has shown me that it’s truly worth it to find ways to create a positive attitude. By making a good attitude a habit, you can keep reaching and achieving the big things you want out of life instead of stagnating and feeling stuck with what you have even though you know you could be and do more in this world.

When, just like with horses, 60% to 90% of your communication is nonverbal, the way you hold yourself not only shows others your attitude but yourself, too.

If you find yourself sitting with your shoulders up to your ears, squinting at the computer screen with what some might call a scowl on your face, you’ve just observed that you might not be in the best mindset.

Here are 5 things you can do to help get your attitude headed in a positive direction.

1. Own It – You Can Change Your Mind

Remind yourself that own your attitude which means you can change it. There is always a choice that you make when your respond to something. By this I mean that you get to pick which perspective you want to take on a topic.

It’s easy to forget that there are options. Next time you find yourself reacting in a way that makes you unhappy, pretend you’re that super optimistic friend of yours. What would they say in that situation? How would they respond?

2. Know It’s Temporary

Realize that a bad mood will pass. A bad project will pass. A bad conversation will pass.

Sometimes just knowing that your attitude will improve soon as things change over a short period of time allows you to hang on and keep a sliver of positivity when otherwise you might jump into despair. Much like having a bad head cold, a negative attitude sometimes needs to be waited-out.

If you can remember while you’re in the middle of it that it’ll eventually subside, grab ideas 3, 4 and 5 below to help pull you out of it faster.

3. Smile

Because it’s proven to make you happier. Yep, all of the things you physically do change the chemicals in your body and how you feel about yourself.

So smile, put your hands behind your head and feet up on your desk, or strike a “Wonder Woman” hands-on-hips power-pose to get your can-do attitude on the rise.

Hold that position for 2 minutes and you’ll have released chemicals in your body that get you feeling better about yourself and ready to take on your next thing. Professor Amy Cuddy’s Harvard research proves that these kinds of actions literally change the way you’re perceived by others and the way you feel about yourself.

4. Have 3 “Go-To Things”

What are three things that you’ve observed in the past that help get you to a more positive mood?

Does turning music on (and news off) help? Do you have a comedian that you love to watch? Go find some clips of them and get laughing.

I have a video of my daughter that cracks me up everytime I watch it. If you have a video like that, make sure you know where to find it the next time you need a little lift for a more positive attitude.

If you don’t have a child, here’s a video compilation of someone else’s who is pretty darn funny.

5. Complaint Department is Closed

Tell your family, friends and co-workers that the complaint department is closed for the day. If someone comes to you with a complaint, have a neutral response prepared. What can you think of now to say when this happens that will table the conversation until you feel ready to deal with it?

Maybe you ask them to find one or two ways to resolve whatever the problem is before they do a deep-dive venting session with you. Then tell them that you’ll be happy to talk about the issue after lunch, or tomorrow, whenever it’s more convenient for you to speak about it.

The goal here is to buy you time so you can get in a better frame of mind before you deal with an issue that might really pull you away from a positive attitude and the energy that you need to finish your project at hand.

What’s one thing that you do that helps to get you into a positive mood? Share it in the comments box so I can give it a try.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

 

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Thoughts Become Things

Thoughts Become ThingsI don’t know where I originally heard this quote, “Thoughts become things” but it’s always stuck with me. And, I know it’s true.

I always try to focus on positive results since I’ve seen how it affects me in a negative way when I don’t. AND, because I’ve seen firsthand how it impacts me for the better when I maintain a positive mindset.

For example, this farm I live on wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t gotten on board with my husband’s proactive and positive thinking about it. He’s quite the visionary and big picture thinker. 😉

It was a big leap for us to try to buy the farm. Eight years ago, we didn’t know if we’d get approved loan-wise. Afterall, it was a huge investment and we currently already had a mortgage. And because we kept our thoughts focused in the right direction, our loan was approved and this place became our reality despite it not seeming logical or possible for that matter.

We’ve now got a modern barn, new Equus Coaching office, two horses, chickens, dogs and fields of produce on our dream property that has that beautiful tree-lined pond you see in the image (yes, that’s really my farm!).

I encourage you to hold this quote with you and have your thoughts say yes to some of the things you’ve been wanting. It allows for more, so many more possibilities to become real. Many that you wouldn’t even know are possible.

Let me know in the comments what thoughts of yours have become things.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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5 Ways to Structure Your Day to Stay Motivated

5WaysStuctureDayToStayMotivatedDo you feel like you lose steam every day?

Do you notice an unproductive lull that happens in the mornings or afternoon?

Does it drive you nuts when you realize that you’ve just lost another hour to Facebook when you went on there to find something work-related?

It can be SO frustrating when this happens, again and again. How does Facebook suck you in like that? How’d you lose track of your client’s big project?

You used to feel so motivated but it’s waning now and you don’t know why you just can’t push through the dull moments to reach the other *productive* side.

If this sounds a little (or a lot) like you, here five techniques you can use to structure your day to stay motivated:

Stake Out Your Day

First thing in the morning (or even the day before, if you can) decide on the one thing you MUST do and keep that at the forefront of your actions. Put that one thing first, wait, let me capitalize that for emphasis: FIRST.  You may get off track but you come back to that ONE thing (yep, capital letters again). This small dose of planning goes a long way and ensures your ship is sailing in the right direction.

Micro Celebrate

You take turtle steps like the ones I mentioned earlier to stay out of overwhelm. Every time you finish a step, you cross it off your list and then you do a micro celebration. This might look like a power fist bump raised high in the air, like a little happy dance, or like a verbalized “woot!” with a hand clap. You decide!

Any minor acknowledgment to you completing your task will work. You just have to give yourself that little boost of happiness when you finish a task so your brain starts to associate it with motivation.

Micro celebrations can really make a difference and help keep your motivation-mojo going all day long.

Ask for Accountability

You ask someone to check in on your project status. It could be a friend, colleague, family member or even someone far away. You can tell them exactly what to ask you about and on what day so they don’t need to spin their wheels on it at all.

Knowing that someone will help hold you accountable on that follow-up email that needs to be sent or ask if you got your about page updated is a big motivator to actually getting those things done because you don’t want to have to give a negative reply.

Pony-up for Childcare

If you’ve got kids, pony-up and get childcare in place! Do not feel badly about putting your sweet child in camps over the summer or lining up after school activities.

They’ll have a ton of fun and you will actually be able to get your work done without someone asking you to feed them, fix their bumps, take them somewhere or to watch that YouTube video you don’t really like them watching for the millionth time.

For example, if I’m doing an Equus coaching session, it only makes senses that my daughter will want to be there, fully in the mix. She loves the horses! Unfortunately, this would not only be distracting to me but also for my client so I don’t do it. I make sure she’s got another activity planned during my work time.

It’s not worth the stress and while you may feel like you’re saving on childcare, you’re not making room to earn more in your business.

Get Back Up On That Horse

When you get off track, notice it. Say, “Hello Off Track Mind, we’re heading back to the task at hand”. And then come back to that ONE thing that’s your task.

Be kind to yourself when this happens and gently re-direct yourself, knowing that it’s a part of the process. Expect it, see it and have a plan to move back to where you were.

Building habits like these will help you to tap into your motivation mojo and be able to structure your day to keep taking action to get ahead to support your bigger goals.

If you don’t do these things to stay motivated, you may lose focus, mess-up jobs which can lead to lost clients, and feeling pretty awful about yourself (never a good place to be).

Notice when you skip one of these practices.

How does it make you feel? How good is your end work product? Did you lose your mind because your day lost structure? Do you find yourself a bit more edgy or snappy towards the ones you love the most?

Observe how you feel when your day is planned, you know what you need to do, when you’re crossing things off your to-do list. Do you feel like you’re getting ahead and you’re more motivated?

Let me know in the comments what you notice when you get it right or when your day didn’t go as planned. Seeing and noticing what you learn is a huge part of keeping your motivation mojo going strong throughout your day.

Cheers to saddling up and motivating that motivation mojo!

With love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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How to Tell Your Clients that You’ll be on Vacation with Them Feeling 100% Supported

How to Tell Your Clients that You’ll be on Vacation with Them Feeling 100% SupportedYou have two choices. Take a vacation that’s client-free and boss-free. This means no calls, emails, or texts. And, having everything planned in advance in the weeks leading up to the vacation.

Or it’s tempting to procrastinate and then think, well, I can just take a few calls and I’ll bring my laptop.

But what really happens if you decide not to tell your client or boss that you’ll be on vacation? It never fails! You don’t get cell service at the Grand Canyon so how mad will he/she be when you’re not able to get back to her until 10pm that night?

What if you decide to have a (well deserved) mimosa brunch with the gals and and you have, well…. a lot of fun. Then, your client or boss calls??

The upshot is that you don’t want to jeopardize your client or boss relationships by saying that you will be available when you won’t be. Hopefully your clients love to take vacations for themselves and will completely understand. I highly encourage you to give them as much notice as possible so together you can come up with a great plan for while you’re away.

Here’s a script that I hope you swipe and use for your next vacation this summer, whether it’s for a long weekend or an all-out month of beach time.

Hi Client/Boss,

I wanted to share with you that I’m going to be out of the office from this date to this date and wanted to let you know in advance so together we can  create a plan to make sure all of your needs are covered.

Below are the items I will make certain to complete and if you should notice any items that aren’t listed, please let me know.

[insert your list]

I will make sure to give immediate attention to any time sensitive matters once I return to the office.

Thank you,

Your name

Here’s the formula. You lay out what needs to be done and how you’ll get it done before you go. This will provide you with such a peace of mind and ability to enjoy your vacation even more! Make sure you ask if you’ve missed anything on your list—maybe your client or boss was planning a launch that week that they’ve not communicated with you? Include dates and times with your plan to get it all done so you can have a relaxing vacation.

Your client/boss will feel taken care of and happy for you to enjoy a some well deserved R&R.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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