Fearing the Future? How to Get Through It

Fearing the Future? How to Get Through ItI’d love to know if you worry a lot about the future?

Maybe it’s about how to make that project work, if you can get a different job soon, if you’ll be able to get enough clients to pay the bills, and if you’ll make mistakes that will totally derail you from your big goals? If you said yes, I can totally relate!

Worrying about the future is a waste of time, though. That might sound like an I’ve-gone-too-far statement, but it’s true.

This kind of fretting and worrying is dangerous because it can become a loop that you get stuck in.

Thinking about ALL of those things that may or may not come to pass; and ALL of those things that you know you’ll need to do, can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It can be beyond overwhelming. Maybe you’ve even seen this happen?

When you fret over what’s going to happen in the future, you’re not taking action to actually change the outcome of your future. And, it’s absolutely taking away from the present moment. So, what can you do when you’re worried about the future and start to feel that pile-up of thoughts hit you?

FOCUS

Write down only the three most important things that are for you to do (not think about) in the next week and the next month. These two lists might be different and they might overlap.

For example…

This week, the three most important things for me to focus on are: 1) Truly focus on being present + creating memories with my daughter while we’re in Florida, 2) Layout the action plan for a new program offering and 3) Finish my client work.

This month, the three most important things for me to focus on are: 1) Creating a new opt-in, 2) Connecting with past clients and 3) Updating the coaching package copy on my website.

STOP

Take a break from what you’re doing and go do something else. This will disrupt your thought pattern and pull you off the overwhelm path.

SLOWER

Tell yourself that instead of speeding up and racing toward the finish line, that you’re going to slow it all down. This allows you to focus on just one thing at a time and feel less chaotic.

STORIES

These worries are actually stories that you’re making up in your mind. Many of the things you worry about never come to pass. Holding this in your mind (or on a post-it note hanging by your desk) may help to stop the future-tripping that’s happening in your head.

FOLLOW THE FEAR

One way to get rid of the stories is to map them out. Follow the story all the way through.

Ask yourself if x happens, what happens next? Then next? Then after that? How does the story end? Is the ending worse or better than the level of fear you gave to it? ….usually, it’s a lot less.

The next time you feel like your worries about the future start to pop-up, which one of the suggestions above will you try to help pull you out of the spin? Let me know in the comments.

With much love and warm wishes,

Gretchen

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If you don’t ask…

If you don’t ask...I think it’s true that we all experience in some way, shape or form a little hesitation at times when it comes to asking for what we need or want. At least I know that to be true for me.

It feels like too big of an ask or risk, and there’s always the looming fear of being rejected.

One thing, that I always find to be true and remind myself of often, is that if I don’t move forward with what it is that I want, I’ll never get it. Or the answer will always be no!

So if you find yourself wanting to launch that offer, ask for a raise, hire that coach, or even build a new house (yes, I went there…we shall see;)), please do it!

You deserve it and owe it to yourself.

The worst case scenario is that those things won’t become a reality and the truth is, had you never asked it wouldn’t have happened anyways. I invite you to not hold back and take the chance.

I found this quote to be quite fitting, “If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” ~ Nora Roberts

I wish for you to ask for all that you need and desire in life. So, let me know in the comments, what will you ask for?  

Gretchen

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When is the last time you did something that was just for you?

When is the last time you did something that was just for you?I’d love to know, do you ever find yourself feeling in a funk but not sure how to get out of it? Maybe you’re not sure what to do to recharge your own batteries? An especially busy time of year can have that effect on us.

So tell me, what do you do in your free time?

Okay, I know you probably don’t feel like you have free time but if you magically had some appear, say an appointment cancelled or you got a few snow days, what would you most want to do that helped you to feel strong and energized?

Seriously, something that’s not a chore or designed to help you get ahead for the next day or week?

When is the last time you did something that was just for you? That was not a chore or out of a sense of obligation? Something that filled your energy bucket?

One thing I did this past weekend was give myself permission to rest. On Saturday, even though it was unusually warm here in Ohio, I rested for the majority of the afternoon. It felt so good and I didn’t even feel guilty about it.

For me, that’s huge! And I knew from the events that took place the day before that I needed to refuel to feel good.

If it was too long ago for you to recall or you’re not sure you know what to do to recharge, keep reading.

Is it your mind, body or soul that needs an uplift?

When you feel depleted, notice what area it is that you need help with.

Mind

If it’s your mind, what can you do to switch it up and get more into your body? What workout can you go and do? Maybe a yoga, dance or cycling class? Maybe a long walk through the park? Maybe some time in silence?

Body

If it’s your body that needs to be rejuvenated, what can you do to give it extra attention and a change from the usual? A massage or a mani/pedi? Maybe a healthy, home cooked meal where you know all the ingredients that are in it.

Soul

If you’re not sure what needs to be recharged, I put this into the soul category. You may want to plan a vacation or an art retreat so you have something to look forward to. Would it feel good to plan a lunch or coffee date with a friend?

Journaling or drawing around a topic that seems to be gnawing at you can be helpful, too. Start with one idea and keep writing, bulleting ideas or drawing about it from that seed idea. Notice if it helps you work through the “thing” that makes you feel less than 100%.

If you’re not sure what you need, let’s talk (on the house, of course). I’m happy to chat with you to help figure out what you need to feel high-energy and ready to make your regular life better like you know it can be. Click here to schedule a FREE, twenty minute call with me.

I’d love to help you get a step ahead and feeling good about your life!

Here’s to your amazing, fulfilling life. Go get it!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Do You Recognize When Your Well’s Run Dry?

Do You Recognize When Your Well's Run Dry?When you read the quote below, does it resonate?

“When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.”  ~ Benjamin Franklin

Do you immediately hear this and come up with ways that it can relate to your life?

You know, like when you’ve not let yourself have the rest you need, you’ve worked really long hours to meet deadlines, you’re fulfilling the needs of others and not yourself and then all of a sudden it catches up to you.

You’re exhausted, grouchy, you take even less care of yourself and you don’t ask for help.

All the examples I shared, are true for me too. I hate that many times it takes for me to feel completely depleted in order to realize what I need or what I’ve been lacking. My well then is almost dry.

And then, BOOM! I’m quickly reminded of the actions I can take and self care measures that’s necessary for me to thrive and remain full.

For me, it’s incredibly helpful that I plan and prepare as I mentioned in the last email I sent to you. By prioritizing my time, surrounding myself with positive people, and filling my “Happy Basket” with the things that truly bring me joy, allows me to keep my well full.

It’s not always peaches and cream, but knowing what it takes to fill me back up is what matters.

What do you do to keep your well full? Let me know in the comments.

Warmly,

Gretchen

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How Self Care is Like Cooking with Jamie Oliver

How Self Care is Like Cooking with Jamie Oliver If you’ve ever seen Jamie Oliver cook, you know that he’s famous for cooking amazing meals quickly so he can get back to what looks like his fun-filled life.

There’s a lot of him giggling and improvising as he cooks. Every meal looks amazing even though he’s pulled back the curtain to allow you to see all the details of how it’s done and even the mistakes he made along the way.

Taking care of yourself is a lot like cooking with Jamie. At the start of every 30 Minutes Meal episode, he sets the scene: it’s been a long day at work and now you know you have a less than an hour to feed your family before the night starts to fall apart.

Then, he tells you get your “A” game going by gathering everything you’ll need like the blender, pre-heating the oven, boiling water, etc. This way when you start cooking, you won’t lose your momentum by having to stop to go find the mixer attachment which may be buried in the garage cupboard or the way back corner of the lazy suzan.

Self care works in the same way. You have a ton of things you need to get done in a short amount of time like resting, eating healthy, hitting the gym, fixing that project spreadsheet or making those calls.

And you need to do all of it quickly. And you want those things to be done well, right?

The Solution?

Plan, schedule and prepare. As a human in this world, you need to take care of your needs so you can dive in and fight a good battle, whether it’s sending out a blog post, running a fundraiser or scheduling that massage.

Otherwise you become burned out and every little thing on your to-do list becomes a mountain and seems to take forever. Each thing you do becomes frustrating and stressful. Can you relate?

And even though the final result of whatever project you’re working on may be great, it feels yucky because the process of making it wasn’t fun.

In addition to gathering your supplies for whatever it is you have on tap, I also mean that you, yourself, are taken care of. -You’re mentally and physically ready to take on the world.

What does that mean?

Did you have your coffee?

Did you get a shower because you know that’s how you wake you up?

Did you go to your dentist appointment?

Did you get enough sleep last night? Or this week?

Did you do something fun or something restful? …something that recharges your batteries?

Instead of feeling exhausted and at your wit’s end, I want you to end every week feeling good about what you did and how you did it. I want you to feel on top of the world.

The key to doing that is to take care of yourself so you’re mentally, physically and emotionally prepared to take on the day, week or month.

Some things I do for myself…

Each morning after the kiddos get on the bus, I quickly pick up the house and watch the first 15 minutes of Good Morning America (I might doze back off to sleep for a few, that’s okay! I give myself permission to do so as long as I’m up and at em’ by 8am). This feels good and allows me to start the day off how I want to.

I also know that in order to have a mind clear of clutter while I work, I take care of the bigger household chores before starting my day. I then no longer have to think about them and know they are complete!

It rids the thoughts of the dishes yelling “wash me”, the laundry shouting “fold me”. You get it!

When I take lunch, I prep for dinner. Such a great feeling to know that most of dinner is complete before it’s time to actually start making it.

I’ve also discovered within myself that I’m more productive during the first part of my day. So it’s important for me to tackle bigger projects/tasks during that time.

When I skip these things that I know matter to me, I pay for it.

It causes me to not be as focused as I’d like to be and possibly a bit crabby at the end of the day when I realize all the things I still need to do or that need to be done. Then that serves no one!

What is your self care routine?

What do you need to be part of your routine that’s not currently part of it?

What happens when you skip parts of it?

Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear how you’re taking care of yourself. -It may inspire the rest of us to make our self care routine even better.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

 

 

P.S. With the cooking season in full swing, here’s a link to a Jamie Oliver’s Get Ahead Gravy that’s a lot of fun. It’s perfect way to ease your mind if you can feel your holiday schedule sneaking up on you too quickly.

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The Most Powerful Relationship Is…

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” ~ Steve Maraboli“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” ~ Steve Maraboli

Have you ever really thought about the words above? No really, have you?! Such a beautiful reminder and I invite you to sit with it and take it in.

It’s 100% true that the relationship you have with yourself will always be the most powerful. You have total control over it and can change or modify it however + whenever you wish. How amazing is that?

Your relationships with others is also a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

Can you feel that to be true?

I can and I can also see how at times I go above and beyond for others and as a result, lack the self care for myself. And we all know what that does for ourselves. Nothing. It serves us in no positive way what-so-ever!

So if you find you’re feeling depleted, overwhelmed, or just tired; check in with yourself. Take note of the relationship you’re currently having with yourself.

Is it what you want? Does if feel the way you want it to?

If not, change it! You have the power and the ability to do that for yourself.

It’s so important that we take the greatest possible care of ourselves so that we can always be the best versions of ourselves. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please don’t forget that.

Warmly,

Gretchen

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Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s Important

Defining Your Boundaries and Why It’s ImportantThis month I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do on all fronts of my life including work, family and personal areas.

I’ve learned I have boundaries that I previously didn’t care so much about. But now, years later, I can see that what were once super flexible borderlines have become hard and fast perimeters that I’m not only sticking to but improving my life with.

I’ve found that when I look toward those big things that I’m working on, I have to be fierce about keeping my boundaries where I want them.

By knowing where I draw the line and by upholding these borders, I save myself time, stress and can focus on where I need to go versus being dragged along on other people’s field trips.

Without keeping those areas sacred, things start to slide sideways and I start to feel resentment for those around me who (usually unknowingly and not admittingly) have overstepped things and are treading too heavily on my time and energy.

Then I feel like crap because I have no one to blame but myself  for letting them walk all over me. Can you relate?

Like how I use to agree to work on weekends for my clients. Respond to client texts after hours. Or how I allowed friends/family members to cancel our planned trips last minute without saying that it upset me and why it wasn’t okay behavior.

This used to be fine but not ideal before I had kids, horses and a growing coaching business. But now my life is more full than ever. To survive and thrive, I’ve got to keep it real by having solid boundaries.

And, I really want to enjoy this life’s journey as much as possible without all the things that can bring me down.

When I tow the line I feel better about myself. I feel like I have energy. And best of all, I can tell that others respect me, my feelings and my time.

Friends, family members, clients and even strangers clearly see what my boundaries are no matter how big or small they are. It’s like they’ve read my manifesto on what I will and won’t do.

Have you seen an element of my story play out in a similar way for you ? Think about it for a moment.

What’s something that you used to be okay with doing that you’re not okay with now?

It could be a work responsibility like making the coffee that you don’t even drink but somehow you’re still making for the entire office? Or a family duty like being in charge of all the food shopping or cooking. What’s one area where you feel resentment?

Okay, look at that area or action. Is it something you are still okay with doing or being treated? If not, how can you confidently communicate that it’s no longer a fit for you?

Can you have a conversation with the boundary breaker about why you no longer can do that thing and propose another way to get it done? Perhaps you can you make a go-to phrase that can help?

I encourage you to take action to create boundaries that serve you in reaching your big goals in life. They’ll help you let go of the negative energy and effort in your life so you can let more happiness in.

Let me know in the comments what boundary you’re working on right now and how it’s going. I’d love to hear about it.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Trust is the glue of life….

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” -Stephen Covey

This quote resonates for me because boundaries are part of that trust.

People know what you are willing to do and what you aren’t so they can trust you. They can trust how you’ll act, how you’ll show up, and how you’ll support them or not.

Trust is a required element for setting and keeping boundaries.

You have to tow your own line and expect that others will tow the line of keeping their boundaries. Otherwise, you’ll never know if you’re crossing them.

You’re not a mind reader, right? So this makes sense. You’re trusting that others will tell you when you cross the line or are about to so you can have a good relationship.

As you must do the same for them. It’s a mutual trust.

When have you let someone know that they overstepped one of your boundaries? How did you feel after doing so and how did they respond?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Boundary Bombers: How to Keep them at Bay

Boundary Bombers: How to Keep them at BayRemember that time you got a phone call from your client or maybe it was a friend who needed something ASAP?

You didn’t want to do the task they were asking about but you felt like you had to say you’d do that ‘urgent’ but not scheduled thing out of a sense of duty, obligation and your general want to help others succeed.

And as a result of saying yes, you felt like shit right away.  

Why did you agree to help and why did it make you feel so awful?

How can you avoid that next time without throwing a grenade into the relationship?

I recently had something like this happen and it felt like a sucker punch since it came out of the blue even though I tried to do all I could to prepare for and avoid the situation.

After thinking about it, I realized this situation helped me to really recognize that I was letting one of my boundaries be overstepped since I myself wasn’t honoring it. It totally clicked.

I never liked working in disorganized and unplanned ways and now I could see that this feeling was more than a line in the sand. It was boundary that had grown to be as sturdy as the fence that keeps my horses in the pen.

It had become something that I was no longer willing to dismiss.

I can now look back and see that this boundary didn’t used to be so firm.

I was willing to let clients, family and friends procrastinate and drag their feet on things and then I’d make myself available to pick up the pieces even if it meant I let go of doing something that was important to me and outside of the times I’d normally do it.

The amazing thing is that now I see how I’m seriously OVER letting people cross this line. It’s no fun and it no longer feels helpful to get clients, family and friends out of a tough spot in the last second before things really go south.

It’s a strong boundary for me and I’m now committed to honoring it.

So I bring this question to you.

When do you let your boundaries be crossed?

The next time you feel like you’re doing something that you don’t want to do, ask yourself if you’ve let someone overstep your boundaries. What specific line was crossed? Usually it was the thing that bothers you most about the event.

Who is it with? -A family member, friend or client?

What area is it in? -Money, work, relationship, home stuff, etc…?

What state of being are you in? -Are you tired, overworked, overwhelmed, feeling healthy, feeling hungry? What else is going on that’s stressful aside from the boundary that was just crossed?

How can you make it better when it happens?

You can develop a go-to phrase that feels comfortable, one that buys you a little time to process the line crossing and check-in with yourself.

Here’s are go-to phrase examples:

  • “I need to check my calendar to make sure I’m available.”
  • “I don’t plan anything less than a day out because it’s gotten me in trouble before.”

Whatever go-to phrase you create, say it aloud a few times. It’ll make it easier to say when you’re taken by surprise the next time someone crosses your line.

Let me know in the comments what your go-to phrase is. I’d love to hear it.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Are You Daring to Set Boundaries?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Brené BrownCan you can relate to this quote?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” -Brené Brown

I find as an entrepreneur (and mom, and wife, and friend, and the list could continue on…), I’m such a giver and always want for things to be done just right and for all involved to be happy, that I end up overstepping my own boundaries.

That in turn makes it really easy for me to allow others to do the same since I do it to myself. A little vicious cycle going on there! We must remember how important it is to honor our own boundaries and to love ourselves. We must start with ourselves first to then know what and how to ask it of others.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments. Do you feel like your boundaries honor your needs?

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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