Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?Do you ever feel like you’re not being heard? Like the person on the other side of your conversation isn’t listening?

How frustrating! When this happens it just feels like you’re wasting your time, right?

How then, do you ensure that when you’re speaking with clients, friends or family members that you’re helping them to feel heard in the same ways you want to be heard?

This is called active listening and it means that you focus on what the other person is saying, you’re thinking about the meaning of their words, and you respond in a positive, helpful manner that confirms you actually heard what the person was saying.

Conversations like these can feel magical. They can validate what someone is saying in a way that goes to the core of that person’s being. And, it can avoid a ton of miscommunication.

If you want to be a better listener, and hence a better communicator, check out these suggestions. They’re some of my best tips to help you fully connect with your customers, friends and family in meaningful ways.

Remove Distractions

Set the cell phone upside down, away from you and on silent mode so you’re not tempted to sneak a peek as to what’s going on in the digital world.

Let THEM Talk

This means you don’t interrupt. If you get a brilliant idea that you’re dying to share, wait for the right pause in conversation to share it. Or, make a note and share it later when your speaker is done talking.

Repeat

When in a conversation with someone, repeat back what they’ve said to confirm you understand. For example, “I heard you say that you felt overwhelmed by all of the things you need to do in the next month. Is that right?”

Ask Questions

This helps you to learn more and have a deeper understanding of what your companion is talking about. Ask relevant and specific questions. Give them some thought.

Take Notes

If you’re meeting in person, let them know that you take notes as a way to better absorb the conversation. If you’re engaged in taking notes, that means you’re listening to what they have to say. This works especially great for client conversations and if you’re a fast writer or typist.

Active listening takes practice.

So, if you’re a talker and find yourself interrupting others, make it a point to practice polite interjections in conversation instead of talking over others. If you tend to space-out and day dream during conversations, see if taking notes and asking questions can help you keep your focus.

I invite you to use these five tips to see if you can become a better communicator by becoming a better listener. Which tips do you want to try?

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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Do You Do Negative Self Talk?

Do You Do Negative Self Talk?

Talking to yourself is often seen as silly or frivolous, or even something a doddering old lady might do. But in reality, we all have conversations running through our minds all day long.

This internal conversation might include you celebrating a win or it may riff off of the opposite kind of conversation where things went wrong. Generally, I focus on the mistakes I make in my conversations.

Have you ever noticed this for yourself? Sometimes you can see it as being hard on yourself. It doesn’t feel good, right?

One way to turn it around so you feel better about a situation, even if it’s one that you’ve been stewing on for a while, is to change the words you use to describe it.

Communicate With Yourself!

Yes, this is a little like being a public relations rep for yourself and that’s okay. Actually, it’s perfect if you feel like you tend to beat yourself up when things go sideways.

The first step is to catch yourself having a negative thought. You probably have words or phrases that you can use as triggers to catch yourself. For example, if you always hear yourself say, “This sucks!” Or, “I totally messed that up!” you’ll know.

What are words or phrases you use in this situation?

Frame It!

The words you use to talk to yourself are so important. They frame how you perceive yourself for the day, the week or the year.

It translates into how you feel about yourself. Confident, fulfilled, scared, worried, shy, overwhelmed and more.

If you use negative words to describe what’s going on for you, then you walk away with a bad self-image of the situation. If you use positive words and have an open  state of mind, that generates good energy, you can walk away from a situation feeling like it’s all under control.

For example, “I shouldn’t have said that to them!” can be turned into a more positive phrase by including a solution to it: “Next time I’ll clearly lay out the steps for my client so I get paid up front and we’ll both feel good at the end of our sessions knowing that everything is buttoned up.”

Another example is, “I need to call my client.” This can easily become, “I want to call my client so she knows she has my support.”

See the shift there?

The first example applies pressure to yourself while the second version makes it clear that calling your client is a choice that you get to make and why you’re making it. It removes a layer of pressure and obligation that can be there with the items on your to-do list. And, it makes it feel more like something you’re looking forward to doing.

Just like when you write those client emails, you want to be clear, upbeat, confident and professional. You want to do the same with your self-communications, too.

Let me know in the comments if you’ve caught yourself saying negative phrases and how you turned them around into more positive ones. I’d love to hear your examples!

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

 

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Need a Change of Attitude?

Need a Change of Attitude?Have you ever hung out with a family member or friend who always seems like a total downer because after the thousandth interaction with them you notice that they only complain or have a negative approach with everything they say.

They embody the phrase, “If you give them a rose, they’ll complain about the thorns”.

This attitude can spread to you and before you know it, you’re in the same negative mindset and talking in the same dreary, negative way. Uggh!

Or, maybe you’re the person complaining about the thorn in that lovely bouquet of roses! What?? We’ve all been there and it’s not easy to catch yourself when that happens, right?

It’s so frustrating when you realize this is going on and, there’s also a way to right the ship when it happens. Quite frankly, a way to avoid it all together.

What if you could help get your negative-nelly friend or co-worker out of that awful attitude, too? It’s totally possible.

Like an editor makes a book sound better, you can also wield your own “red pen” to re-shape the words you use to describe your situation. This means you can reset your attitude and usually avoid getting there from the start.

The Key?

Edit your words.

Words work as symbols and influence your way of thinking. This means you can create your own reality. Good or bad. Why not go after shaping a positive reality for yourself?

My children are one way that has helped to change the way my words shape my day and it’s this same editing process that can help you, too.

You reposition your phrases to be positive and about what you want. For example, “Aiden, the fork is for putting the spaghetti into your mouth.” vs. “Aiden, don’t dig the fork into the table.”

See how the first sentence sounds more positive than the second one? You can do this with your own words to amazing effect. It can change your attitude for the better no matter the situation at hand.

Once you get into the practice of it, it becomes a habit. Your good outlook on the world will show and spread to those around you. You’ll be and come across to others as a calm, cool and collected person in control of their world. Folks will want to be around you more.

At the end of a day, you’ll feel better about all of the good you’ve accomplished instead of focusing too much on the negative stuff that happened. You’ll be able to shake off the yucky parts of your day more easily.  

Okay, now try it for yourself. The next time you find yourself saying “I can’t do XYZ”, try to rephrase it so it’s positioned in a more positive light. For example, you might find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because I don’t have enough time/money/space.”

You could rephrase it to say something along the lines of, “I can do that if I want to re-arrange my schedule to make time for it next week.” Or, I can buy the organic produce if I’m better at planning my meals so I don’t eat out as much. Or, “I can work on that project in my backyard when it’s sunny so I don’t need a bigger space inside to do it.”

Once you’ve tried re-phrasing your words to be more positive, let me know in the comments if you felt a difference in your outlook when you changed your words to support a more positive attitude. I think you might be surprised when you try this.

With much love and gratitude,

Gretchen

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