Remember that time you got a phone call from your client or maybe it was a friend who needed something ASAP?
You didn’t want to do the task they were asking about but you felt like you had to say you’d do that ‘urgent’ but not scheduled thing out of a sense of duty, obligation and your general want to help others succeed.
And as a result of saying yes, you felt like shit right away.
Why did you agree to help and why did it make you feel so awful?
How can you avoid that next time without throwing a grenade into the relationship?
I recently had something like this happen and it felt like a sucker punch since it came out of the blue even though I tried to do all I could to prepare for and avoid the situation.
After thinking about it, I realized this situation helped me to really recognize that I was letting one of my boundaries be overstepped since I myself wasn’t honoring it. It totally clicked.
I never liked working in disorganized and unplanned ways and now I could see that this feeling was more than a line in the sand. It was boundary that had grown to be as sturdy as the fence that keeps my horses in the pen.
It had become something that I was no longer willing to dismiss.
I can now look back and see that this boundary didn’t used to be so firm.
I was willing to let clients, family and friends procrastinate and drag their feet on things and then I’d make myself available to pick up the pieces even if it meant I let go of doing something that was important to me and outside of the times I’d normally do it.
The amazing thing is that now I see how I’m seriously OVER letting people cross this line. It’s no fun and it no longer feels helpful to get clients, family and friends out of a tough spot in the last second before things really go south.
It’s a strong boundary for me and I’m now committed to honoring it.
So I bring this question to you.
When do you let your boundaries be crossed?
The next time you feel like you’re doing something that you don’t want to do, ask yourself if you’ve let someone overstep your boundaries. What specific line was crossed? Usually it was the thing that bothers you most about the event.
Who is it with? -A family member, friend or client?
What area is it in? -Money, work, relationship, home stuff, etc…?
What state of being are you in? -Are you tired, overworked, overwhelmed, feeling healthy, feeling hungry? What else is going on that’s stressful aside from the boundary that was just crossed?
How can you make it better when it happens?
You can develop a go-to phrase that feels comfortable, one that buys you a little time to process the line crossing and check-in with yourself.
Here’s are go-to phrase examples:
- “I need to check my calendar to make sure I’m available.”
- “I don’t plan anything less than a day out because it’s gotten me in trouble before.”
Whatever go-to phrase you create, say it aloud a few times. It’ll make it easier to say when you’re taken by surprise the next time someone crosses your line.
Let me know in the comments what your go-to phrase is. I’d love to hear it.
With much love and gratitude,
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